I'm sleepless these days because of my daughter. She started sleeping really late. My mind starts to go foggy when 12 midnight strikes. Last night was no exception.

12 midnight ...

Mommy: Mishka, let's sleep early tonight.

Mishka: No, Mommy. I want to cook.

Mommy: Mishka, Mommy's skin is already freaking out because we're not getting enough sleep. 

Mishka: I'll help you Mommy. You'll be okay.

Mommy: You can help Mommy by sleeping early tonight.

Mishka: Mommy, can you teach me how to cook? I don't know how.

Mommy: (*thinks* ... Okay, I'm not the best person to answer this but I don't want to break my baby's heart. After all, this is pretend play. I'll pretend.) Sure, baby. Ask me anything about cooking. Mommy knows how to cook well. What do you want to cook?

Mishka: (goes to her toy kitchen and comes back with a piece of strawberry on a plate) We can cook this.

Mommy: Um, it's usually eaten raw. It doesn't need cooking.

Mishka: (drops the strawberry on the pot then places the pot on the stove) How do I make it hot?

Mommy: You just need to adjust the settings of the oven. (It's actually a toy stove but I was already VERY sleepy.)

Mishka: (rolls a piece of dark green clay and drops it inside the water kettle)

Mommy: What's that? What are you cooking?

Mishka: That's a snake.

Mommy: (doesn't know what to say) That's .... great. You've just dropped a snake inside the water kettle. So, what's the dish called?

Mishka: Snake food.

Mommy: Great! That's great!

End of pretend play.

1 a.m. ... (ROLE REVERSAL)

Mishka: (watching Hi-5) Mommy, you can sleep here. (points to right shoulder)
Mommy: Thanks baby. (rests head on Mishka's shoulder)
Mishka: Sleep Mommy, sleep.

1:30 a.m.

Mishka: (watching Mister Maker) You can lie down here Mommy (points to couch). I'll massage you. I'll take care of you Mommy.

Mommy: Thanks baby. (tries to rest but Mister Maker was making something very familiar. He's making a snake from a piece of green clay. He didn't cook it afterwards though. The power of my kid's imagination.)

2:00 a.m.

Mishka: I'm hungry. I want cereals.

Uh-oh ...

Elementariya

Mahilig akong mag-Twitter. Nagsilbi itong talaarawan ng aking buhay. Ginawa ko itong pribado para sa aking mga kaibigan. Para naman alam nila kung kumusta ang buhay ko, kung kumusta ang buhay dito sa UAE. Bukod sa pagbabahagi ng mga pangyayari sa buhay ko, ang sarap din magbasa ng tweets ng iba. Kung sa bagay, hindi pribado ang mga tweets nila na nangangahulugang kagustuhan nilang ibahagi ang lahat ng nangyayari sa kanila sa madlang people. Gusto ko lang linawin na hindi ako masyadong tsismosa (promise!) pero puwede kong ipagmayabang na alam kong sa Gold's Gym nag-eehersisyo si Jon Avila at kanina, nagbalik-tanaw si Aiza Seguerra sa kanyang elementarya. Ang sarap bumalik sa nakaraan lalo na sa mga nakakatawa at masasayang sandali. Ibabahagi ko sa inyo ang mga tweets niya patungkol dito. Halos magkasing-edad yata kami kasi pareho kami ng naaalala. Hehe.

1. Yung sasali ka sa choir para exempted ka sa exams ng Special Ed.

2. Nung pinipilit mong gayahin yung handsign at pagtaas ng kilay ni Vanilla Ice kasi akala mo cool. Shet. Hindi pala.

3.  Nung sikat ka 'pag meron kang Swatch na relo.

4. Nung astig na astig ka sa Power Rangers.

5. Kawawa ang class secretary kasi magsusulat na siya sa board, isusulat pa niya sa notebook

6. Pizza, bucket ng KFC, malamig na Sprite at Coke kapag Christmas party. Mula Grade 1 till Grade 7.

8. Nung bagong-bago pa yung Enchanted Kingdom at excited kami lahat pumunta.

9. Sikat ka kapag may pencil case ka na maraming pindutan.

10. Nung si Ina Raymundo ay isa pang diyosa at hindi pa nag ma-mother roles!!!

11. Eraserheads, Yano, Color It Red, Parokya Ni Edgar, Rizal Underground

12. Sobrang uso ng Doc Martens kaya kahit naka-school uniform, suot mo pa rin

13. Hindi makalimutan ang mga teachers kong sila Ms. Gulay at Mr. Pechay. Nagkatuluyan ata sila.

14. Nung Grade 2 ako, nasa gitna ako ng pila sa flag ceremony. Pagkatapos nun, lagi nang nasa una. Pandak kasi.

15. Ayaw ko tumambay nuon sa Megamall kasi laging nag-aaway yung mga hiphop tsaka mga metal.  

16. Pag hindi mo kaya tugtugin ang More than Words o intro ng Stairway to Heaven, laos ka.

*** I tried translating this to English using Google Translate (just for the heck of it). It came out really silly and funny. Laughing out loud.

Alice in Wonderland

I can say that I'm still child-like in some ways. It's actually a good thing. As they say, we do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. It's okay to be silly, be curious, be fun. Dance like no one's watching, laugh like crazy, sing at the top of your voice, participate in your kid's pretend play, daydream, watch Disney cartoons, read Dr. Seuss and fairy tales ... Sometime in 2010, I caught Alice in Wonderland on the big screen. I loved Johnny Depp's portrayal of the Mad Hatter. Below are his memorable lines:

The Mad Hatter: There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter.
[picks up his hat]
The Mad Hatter: Which luckily I am.
***

The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
[Alice checks Hatter's temperature]
Alice Kingsley: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people
are.
***

The Mad Hatter: [to Alice] You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness.

***

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: We're looking for the girl called Alice.
The Mad Hatter: Speaking of the Queen, here's a little song we used to sing in her honor:
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, The March Hare: "Twinkle twinkle little bat, how I wonder where you're at. Up..."
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [Wraps arm around Hatter's throat] If you're hiding her you'll lose your heads.
The Mad Hatter: *Already lost them.* All together now!
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, The March Hare: "Up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky. Twinkle twinkle..."
***

Alice Kingsley: This is impossible.

The Mad Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

Isn't it sad when something starts to fade away? It can be a passion, an emotion, a figment of one's imagination, a once vivid memory, knowledge ... It can be anything. Like sand, it starts to slip through your fingers. Sometimes, you take notice but can't do anything about it. Sometimes, you try to grasp as much as you could but still it slowly disappears ... How could you have lost it when it used to be yours? The saddest thing is when you only notice once it's gone. When nothing can be done anymore. Or when you continue to deny that it's no longer a part of you a long time after it has left. It's called FATE and it entails ACCEPTANCE. Out with the old and in with the new. Probably, someday, you'll be holding something better. And probably, who knows, it's there to stay.

I'm editing my previous blogs as I go along. Adding pics/videos, penning additional lines, deleting some. This is a blog in progress. :-)

Just Waiting ...

Borders opened a branch in Abu Dhabi Mall. It's a great bookshop with aisles of books, cool toys, gadgets and gizmos for the young and old. As I was browsing through the shelves, I chanced upon an area holding Dr. Seuss books. I love Dr. Seuss! Bought Dr. Seuss on the Loose, a book of rip-roaring rhyme from the master of verse. I won't get tired of reading the rhymes to my daughter. Below is one such rhyme (my fave), entitled Just Waiting ... (Oh, The Places You'll Go!):

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
~ Dr.Seuss

Quote

Coldplay - The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Ooooohhhhhhh [x4]

The Greatest Irony of Love

Got this from my friend Karen's blog. Indeed, love makes the world go round. Without it, we simply exist. To love is to live. Loving involves a lot of risks. We either jump in where the stakes are high or remain rooted on the same ground asking "what if?" Throughout my life, I have loved and lost, loved and won ... But I believe that it's better to have risked it all and lost rather than to have lived a life full of regrets. I still believe in love and the power it brings. Loving the right person makes you a better person. Do not waste your love  on the wrong person because it will just cause you a great deal of pain. Before you commit to someone, assess your worth. Do not settle for anything less. If you will not let go, you will not know what you truly deserve. Do not lose hope. Someone out there will show you that it's worth the wait. To those of you who have found true love, congratulations! Learn to appreciate what you have. Do everything to make that person stay. To those of you who are still searching for "the one," you are not alone in your journey. Pray and believe.     

(Author unknown)

The greatest irony of love: Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right; finding out you love someone after that person walks out of your life. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, but because love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much, and the other was being loved too little. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love, but to only discover that for them we are just for past times. While the one who truly loves us remains either your friend or a stranger.

When you think of your past love; you may view it as a failure; but when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What's important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go. You know that you love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not apart of it. Everything happens for a reason and for its best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try.

You'll never truly love a person, unless you risk for their love; love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, then you won't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time; though the hurting is there to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you; that's why it's called falling in love, because you don't need to force yourself to love, you just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing the chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. But why is it that the greatest irony of love is letting go when you want to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go? You can never find the right person if you can never let it go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying and to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all. To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose your true self. To love is to risk not being loved in return.

How to define love: Fall but do not stumble. Be constant but not too persistent. Share and never be unfair. Understand and try not to demand. Hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom; whom they choose to be and where they choose to go. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love can be a painful risk. To love means that risk must be taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then will you experience the fullness of humanity of what we call love. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk and if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love.

I Love the Philippines

This is the Philippines. Am proud to be Pinoy! :-)

Pieta

God, my Father,
Create in me a heart that hungers for your will alone
--- a heart to accept your will, to do your will,
to be whatever you want me to be,
to do whatever you want me to do.

When you chose to create this world,
you knew the blueprint
and the design of my life:
the moment of my conception,
the day and hour when I would be born.

You saw from all eternity the color of my eyes
and you heard the sound of my voice.
You knew what gifts I would have
and those that I would be without.
You knew also the moment and the circumstance of my dying.

These choices are all a part of your will for me.
I will try lovingly to build an edifice of love and praise
with these materials which you have given me.
What I am is your gift to me.
What I become will be my gift to you.

As to the future, I ask for the grace to sign a blank check
and trustfully put it in your hands,
for you to fill in all the amounts:
the length of my life,
the amount of success and the amount of failure,
the experiences of pleasure and pain.

I would tremble to do this except for one thing:
I know you love me.
And, of course, you know much better than I
what will truly and lastingly make me happy.

In response to your will,
I want my life to be an act of love.
Wherever there is a choice, help me to ask only this:
What is the loving thing to do, to say, to be?
To make the decision that love must,
I seek and need your enlightenment.

Touch my eyes
with your gentle and healing hands
that I might find my way
along the winding course of love.
Strengthen my will and direct my feet
to follow that course always.

And whenever there is something special
your love has designed for me to do in my life,
let me be found ready and waiting.
Help me to become
a sensitive instrument of your grace.

I believe that you have
a providential master plan for this world,
and I want to be a part of it.
I want to make my contributions
to your Kingdom,
the contribution you have entrusted
only to me.
I want you to use me to help love this world
into the fullness of life.

Finally, my Lord and my God,
let me be faithful
in my commitment and dedication to your will,
faithful until the end.
Let "faithfulness" be the summary of my days
and of my nights.
Let the inscription
on my tombstone read:
PIETA.

Taken from the book PRESENCE, Prayers for Busy People

Six Phases of Study

I miss my carefree student life, dammit. Those years when I still had baon. When my biggest dilemma was whether to go out on Friday night or study for the exams. Admittedly, my worst habit when I was a student was procrastination. My excitement in learning stuff was only confined to the first few months of the school year. I was inclined to put off tasks until they really really needed to be done. Good thing I got rid of the habit when I started working. I remember trying Jolt when I was in pre-med in order to cram big time for a major exam. It was so effective that I was only able to sleep for 30 minutes. I was practically awake throughout the night. When I was in med school, I resorted to Waying's milk tea or cups of coffee. Cramming is a part of studenthood. Days before that dreaded exam, you actually go through six phases of study. Check this out. ;-)

  http://lifeinthefastlane.com/2010/08/six-phases-of-study/

The Best of Just for Laughs 2011

Whenever I want to have a good laugh, I check out this video. Can't wait for the 2012 collection. ;-)

Quotes on Motherhood

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.”
- Sophia Loren

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”
- Washington Irving

“A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking”
- Helen Rice

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy mother's day to all the mothers out there!

Happy mother's day to my Mama! You'll always be the wind beneath my wings and my pillar of strength. Your wise words will never fail to enlighten me. Your warm hug will always have the power to heal me. You often tell me how proud you are of what I've become. Thank you for always believing in me. Sorry if I have disappointed or hurt you in anyway. I'm sorry for the times I didn't listen. I know you mean well. I love you Mom. I'll always be your little girl.

To my daughter, Mishka, I may not be the best mother in the world but I'm trying, trying, trying. I'm very proud of you my child. You're funny and smart and witty and talented. You're a lot braver than me. Haha. I'm not scared to witness your growing up years. I know that you're very capable of handling the world out there. I'll always be here. Don't worry. Trust me. I love you baby.

Slam Book Questions

Remember answering slam book questions in school? I used to get really excited in answering these questions. It's FUN FUN FUN! Lemme do this again ...

1. HAVE ANY SCARS?
Yup

2. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DISNEY MOVIE?
Lion King

3. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
Depends on my mood. When I'm feeling good, mostly anything by Coldplay. When I'm not okay, I listen to feel-good songs.

4. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
5:31 p.m.


5. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Peace of mind and happiness


6. WHO DO YOU MISS?
I miss A LOT of people. Wish I could spend some time with them right now.

7. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
My faith

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Food! Haha. 

9. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Nope

10. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
Sometimes

11. WHAT DID YOU SEE YOURSELF DOING 5 YEARS AGO, TODAY?
Practicing in my own clinic in the Philippines and providing medical missions for the less fortunate.    :-)

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE/ PERFUME?Melon scent by Zen Zest. I've been using it for years now. A LOT of memories, good and bad.
13. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS? Coffee

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Lotsa cheese. That's it.

15. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Uni sushi :-( We don't have it in the UAE I think.

16. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD? My daughter. Hehe. She's kinda moody.

17. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
I'm fluent in Filipino and English. I tried learning Japanese, Spanish and Thai. I'm trying to learn Arabic now.

18. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)? Stuffed toy

19. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?I'm not particular with the brand. As long as I like the style, I buy it.

20. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR? Nothing fancy. A red VW Beetle or FJ Cruiser.

26. HOW MANY SONGS/ DO U HAVE ON YOUR COMPUTER/MP3 PLAYER.
200+. Would have liked to add more songs but I'm not a techie, so ...

27. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 9

28. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?Dishonest, mean and unreliable people

29. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? Oz probably

30. FIRST JOB? OPD physician in a clinic

31. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?Yup, when I was too young to be responsible ;-)

32. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?Enjoying Mama's foot spa. TLC at home. :-D

33. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY? I'm downright bored.

34. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? Nothing. I don't fancy it at all.

35. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? Peace of mind and happiness

36. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope

37. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Hehe. I do. Just for the heck of it.

38. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? NOPE! I wish people (that includes me) can read it. 

39. FAVE RESTO? 
Difficult to say. I have A LOT of fave restos. In the UAE, Samurai tops the list.

40. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Let's just say that it's too embarassing to write it down here. Hehe.

41. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?Yup. I think I'm someone everyone can get along with.

42. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? I take deep breaths. I cry. I keep myself busy. I tell my close friends.

43. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
UAE

44. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? Sometimes. I rely on my instincts, which sometimes fail me. Whenever I have doubts, I ask around.

45. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Barbie doll

46. DO YOU WEAR A RING OR ANY JEWELRY CONSTANTLY? IF SO WHAT IS IT?
A pair of earrings. I'm not fond of flashy jewellery except if there's a very special occasion. I tend to keep it simple.

47. DO YOU USE SARCASM?Yup, when I need to.

48. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Chinky

49. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Pistachio

50. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS? I used to love the color red but now, it depends on my mood.

51. WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?The good times my old happy self used to enjoy. 

52. LAST THING YOU ATE? Nilagang Baka

53. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? Lost by Coldplay

54. FAVORITE THING TO HATE: I've never been a hater. It's a waste of time.

55. FAVORITE DRINK? Coffee. Didn't like it before but how I've changed! :-)

56. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN?
Aries. Love your own. ;-)

57. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT? Badminton, basketball, swimming

58. YOUR HAIR COLOR? Dark brown

59. EYE COLOR? Black

60. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Only when I need to

61. SIBLINGS? My lurving brother

62. FAVORITE MONTHS?
December

63. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Very much!

64. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? A YouTube video posted on someone's FB wall. 

65. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? December 24, Christmas Eve

66. SUMMER OR WINTER?Winter

67. KISSES OR HUGS? Kisses

68. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? One Night @ the Call Center by Chetan Baghat

Here I Am Lord

I'll never forget this song I used to sing as a child. It's one of my fave songs. It reminds me that I'm part of God's beautiful plan. In my own way, I can make this world a better place. This is what I'm here for. Whatever I go through, I should always keep this in mind.

http://youtu.be/K6fYAiqV-Bs

Here I Am Lord

I, the Lord of sea and sky
I have heard my people cry
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save.

I who made the stars and night
I will make the darkness bright
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart.

I the Lord of snow and rain
I have borne my people's pain
I have wept for love of them
They turn away.

I will break their hearts of stone
Fill their hearts with love alone
I will speak my word to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart.

I will hold your people in my heart ...

Rainbow

There's a rainbow always after the rain ... A song for every optimist ...

http://youtu.be/NtxR3iisxfA

Rainbow
South Border

Fallin' out, fallin' in
Nothing's sure in this world no, no
Breakin' out, breakin' in
Never knowin' what lies ahead
We can really never tell it all no, no, no
Say goodbye, say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we never could understand
Why some things begin then just end
We can really never tell it all no, no, no
But oh, can't you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, just/please smile
'Cause I'm always around you
And I'll make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me
Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain
Ohh, whoa
Hittin' high, hittin' low
Win or lose you should go, yeah yeah
Getting warm, getting cold
Weather could be so good or bad
But baby this is life now don't get mad no, no, no
'Cause oh, can't you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, please smile
'Cause I'm always around you
And I'll make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me
Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain
Life's full of challenges
Not all the time we get what we want
But don't despair my dear
'Cause I know now
You'll take each trial and you'll make it through the storm 'cause you're strong
My faith in you is clear
So I'll say once again this world's wonderful and
Let us celebrate life that's so beautiful, so beautiful
Ohhhh
Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept with patience
the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.

Irony

When you smile but it doesn't reach your eyes ...

When you hide the truth with a million lies ...

When you laugh while you're hurting inside ...

When you can't sleep even if you're tired ...

When you're silent but you want to speak out ...

When you say words that you don't mean ...

And mean the words that you don't say ...

When you have to do things that you don't like to do ...

And can't do the things that you would like to do ...

When you realize how much it means when it's no longer there ...

When you get what you want but not what you need ...

Tough love ...

When you give up when you're about to succeed ...

When you destroy in order to build ...

When you lose something in order to win ...

You gain strength from every weakness ...

Courage from every failure ...

Wisdom from every mistake ...

Just keep on going ...

What matters is YOU LIVED, YOU FOUGHT, YOU EXPERIENCED.

I am an optimist. It doesn't seem too much use being anything else.
- Winston Churchill
:-) :-) :-)

Mad World

How I wish I could see the world through my daughter's eyes. I used to view the world like her, bright and beautiful. While I was growing up, my Mom tried her best to shelter me from every pain, every hint of negative emotion, every problem, every harm imaginable. I lived a comfortable and happy life. I trusted and loved people with all my heart. I thought the world out there will give me back every genuine smile, every good deed and every sincere intention. I was dead wrong. The cloak of innocence I used to wear gradually disintegrated and exposed me to the harshness of the real world. Reality bites. I met people along the way, lots of them. Some were there for a while, to teach me a lesson or two. Some stayed longer and made sure I realized my true worth before they left. Some stayed and never left. The latter batch, I call my beloved friends. All of them made me wiser, stronger and less vulnerable. Through them, I realized that you don't need to follow anyone's rules. You have to create your own, fit them into your life as needed, and abide by them. Right and wrong are subjective. You draw the line in everything. You need to know when to fight and when to give up. You need to know when to stay and when to leave. You need to know your worth so that you won't settle for anything less. They taught me to love myself and not to depend on anyone for my happiness. They taught me to do what I think is right. They taught me that in every decision I make, I should choose the option that will make me happy and at peace. They taught me to do the best in everything so that I won't have any regrets. They taught me to be wary of everyone I meet at all times. Because the world is full of crazy, unreliable, manipulative and unpredictable people who can abuse me. Of course there are a number of genuine and caring ones too (please count me in :-)). They taught me that faith is the anecdote to every harm, every doubt, every sorrow, every fear. They humbled me, reminded me that I'm human and capable of making mistakes. They taught me not to count the number of times I fell. The number of times I stood up was what really mattered. They taught me that whatever happens, LIFE GOES ON. I would like to thank these people for coming into my life. Life would have been so silent, simple and boring without you. I'd rather have my world rocked, turned upside down and made extremely complicated and exciting. Can't wait to meet the next one. ;-) Bring in some noise!

Bits and pieces of me may have changed over the years but my love for books has remained. Quoted some of my fave lines below:





"If we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love and behave in line with our faith, our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces will be tight. We will never wallow in the agony of 'I could have, I should have.' We can sleep in a storm. ...And when it's time, our goodbyes will be complete."
--- Mitch Albom, Have a Little Faith

"Nothing haunts like the things we don't say."
--- Mitch Albom, Have a Little Faith





"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master ... "
--- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

"In the end, I've come to believe in something I call "The Physics of the Quest." A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you. "
--- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”
--- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
--- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“There’s a crack (or cracks) in everyone … that’s how the light of God gets in.”
--- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.”
--- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.”
--- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“Imagine that the universe is a great spinning engine. You want to stay near the core of the thing - right in the hub of the wheel - not out at the edges where all the wild whirling takes place, where you can get frayed and crazy. The hub of calmness - that's your heart. That's where God lives within you. So stop looking for answers in the world. Just keep coming back to that center and you'll always find peace.”
--- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“One thing I do know about intimacy is that there are certain natural laws which govern the sexual experience of two people, and that these laws cannot be budged any more than gravity can be negotiated with. To feel physically comfortable with someone else's body is not a decision you can make. It has very little to do with how two people think or act or talk or even look. The mysterious magnet is either there, buried somewhere deep behind the sternum, or it is not. When it isn't there (as I have learned in the past, with heartbreaking clarity) you can no more force it to exist than a surgeon can force a patient's body to accept a kidney from the wrong donor. My friend Annie says it all comes down to one simple question: "Do you want your belly pressed against this person's belly forever --or not?”
--- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“There's a reason we refer to "leaps of faith" - because the decision to consent to any notion of divinity is a mighty jump from the rational over to the unknowable, and I don't care how diligently scholars of every religion will try to sit you down with their stacks of books and prove to you through scripture that their faith is indeed rational; it isn't. If faith were rational, it wouldn't be - by definition - faith. Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love





"You can live your whole life not realizing that the person you're looking for is right in front of you."
--- One Day, David Nicholls

Boy: I broke up with her.

His Best Friend: What happened?

Boy: She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend:What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy: Well, for one ... She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure ...

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see ...

Boy: Oh... Well ... She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well-being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see ...

Boy: But ... Uhh ... Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see ...

Boy: I ... Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see ...

Boy: Well, she ...

His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy: I broke her heart ... Because I couldn’t see what was happening ... What happened to me?

His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened ...

By: lyzapicayo

Doctors are often accused of callousness and self-infatuation. But let's remember that they have sacrificed the spring time of their lives, completely lost the precious years between their 20's and 30's acquiring skills to benefit fellowmen. They have suffered deprivation. Most of them haven't had more than a few nights sleep in all that time. Many have sacrificed their marriages and have lost the unique opportunity to see their kids grow.

--- Doctors, Erich Segal

On Saying Goodbye

My cousin Nikay got this from somewhere. It's a beautiful piece about saying goodbye. Here goes ...

"After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning. And company doesn't mean security. And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts. And presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your heart held high and your eyes open. With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build your roads on today, because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while, you learn that sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really have worth ... and you learn and learn ... with every "goodbye" you learn."

God Wants You to Know

After a long hiatus, I'm blogging again. :-) I'm going through a lot right now (the most I've gone through in my entire existence!). Faith is saving me. I love FB's application God Wants You to Know because it provides timely inspirational messages on a daily basis. It never fails to answer my queries and pacify my fears. It's like I'm having a heart-to-heart talk with Him every single day. Today's message is as beautiful as the others before it and I think it will appeal to everyone. I'm posting it here ...

On this day of your life, , we believe God wants you to know ... that it's time you remembered who you really are.

You are not your wallet, your job, your kids, your house. You are not your activities or your worries or the labels other people give you. Like an actor you play these roles, and like a good actor you sometimes forget who you really are. Time to wake up now, and remember that you are a being of immense power and breathtaking beauty created in the image of God.

This is SO true. Because of our busy lives, we sometimes forget who we really are. At the end of the day, we are His children and He is our Father. That is enough reason to be happy. We are in excellent hands.

What Would They Say

Finally, after doing a 6-year search, I was able to arrive at the lyrics of this song. I watched The Company in a mini-concert and fell in love with this song. I didn't know the title at the time. I asked around, googled up some lines from the song, did a lot of research until tada! I found the title. This is the perfect song for busy couples who are fed up of city life and would like to try rural life for a change. Tempting? Super!

WHAT WOULD THEY SAY
The Company

What would they say
If we up and ran away
From the roaring crowd
And the worn out city faces
Would they carry on and on
When they found out we were gone
Or would they just let us go
Would they tag along or would they just

Refrain:
Leave us alone
We'd live in the country
Leave us alone
We'd make it just fine
Happy in a one room shack
And we'd not look back
Now would we
What would they do
If they find out we were through
With the little lies
And the downtown aggravations
That we traded in the way
For a quiet country day that we had hope to share
Would they try to find out where we were or

Refrain:
Leave us alone
We'd live in the country
Leave us alone
We'd make it just fine
Happy in a one room shack
And we'd not look back
Now would we

Coda:
What would they say
If we up and ran away

I landed a job as a Medical Claims Officer in a health insurance company here (see previous blog entry). Fate led me here. I trust fate's maker. 2 weeks ago, Mom suffered from an Acute Stroke. It was terrible. One minute she was just feeling weak. The next minute, she was being wheeled into an ambulance. I wasn't there when it happened. I was miles away, attending an office meeting. I received the news via phonecall. Mom's slowly regaining her strength. This is a recent reminder about how fragile and finite anyone's life is. I don't want it snatched away from my mom this soon. I would like to believe that it was just a wake-up call for all of us. She subjected herself to a great deal of physical and emotional stress. I guess we have to implement stricter rules this time around. No Pringles, no chocolates, no Coke (even the no-calorie variety). We have to be more careful. Get well soon, Mom. We love you.

Waking Up

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

--- Bella, New Moon

5 months in a Nutshell

I felt that it was time to quit my desk job and go into residency. I filed for resignation and scouted for potential residency places. Since residency is months away, I accepted clinic assignments on an on-call basis. I started conducting wellness lectures for an insurance company's corporate clients and writing health articles as well. I enjoyed the flexi schedule. I was a stay home mom on some days. I bonded with Mishka big time. Last month, the entire family went to the UAE to visit my mom and brother. It was a month-long vacation that was well-spent. Among the places we visited, Dubai Aquarium and Underwater Zoo, Chill Out Cafe and Ski Dubai topped the list. With my mom's incessant prodding (haha!), I decided to try my luck there. I'm back in the country for a short while. I'm just here to fix some papers. I'll head back for UAE next month. Might work there already. Sometimes, one has to take risks. Who knows? It just might turn out for the better.

Gemini

Just finished watching performers belt out Spongecola's hit songs in a local variety show. I love their songs. I remember falling in love with this song years ago...

GEMINI

Come a little closer
Flicker in flight
We’ll have about an inch space
But I’m here
I can breathe in
What you breathe out

*Let me know if I’m doing this right
Let me know if my grip is too tight
Let me know if I can stay all of my life
Let me know if dreams can come true
Let me know if this one’s yours too
'Cause I see it
And I feel it
Right here
And I feel you right here

The vacuous right
Steps aside to give meaning
To Gemini’s dreaming
The moon on its back
And the seemingly
Veiled room’s lit
By the same star

Repeat *

And I feel it right here
And I feel you right here

My first day of work in 2009. I'm obviously suffering from the holiday daze.

The evidence?

1. left my water bottle

2. left my snacks

3. left my earphones

4. left my cellphone charger

The consequences?

1. will get thirsty

2. will get hungry

3. will get bored

4. will have to limit cellphone usage ... will get extremely bored

Good thing I brought along a book to kill time. Might finish the rest of PS I Love You today. Uh-oh. Just remembered. I left my MIMS and Expanded Medicine Blue Book at home as well. Haha. Now I feel so unprepared to see patients. Hope no one's in the mood to go see the MD today. After all, office and school will resume on Monday. People should enjoy what's left of the long holiday break.

The old man paid me a visit on New Year's Eve. Haven't seen him for 3 years. We laughed, talked about the years gone by, dreamt of a brighter future, drank some wine ... just like old times. His smile was hopeful and his words were wise. It was a perfect little moment that brought me back to those days when my folks handled problems that were too big for me to deal with. Now that I'm a parent myself, I know I'll do everything to make Mishka's life as worry-free as possible. I wonder when I'll see Papa again. Another perfect little moment to look forward to.

I discovered that some of my links here are either inactive or have been redirected to obscene websites. I've deleted them. Happy holidays everyone!

2008 was one hell of a rollercoaster ride. The ride was definitely bumpy. Everything felt new. It tested my faith. To make matters worse, Shai and the Kuchen Meister were thousands of miles away. Wish and pray that they're here. Despite everything, I still believe in God's sublime plan. He has the power to make things happen. He knows what's best for me. The bruises made me stronger and wiser. This is my first Christmas with my baby. She's everything to me. I posted this song in my previous blog ...

NOT WHILE I'M AROUND

Barbra Streisand

Nothing's gonna harm you

Not while I'm around

Nothing's gonna harm you

No sir, not while I'm around

Demons are prowling everywhere nowadays

I'll send them howling,

I don't care, I've got ways

No one's gonna hurt you

No one's gonna dare,

Others can desert you

Not to worry, whistle

I'll be there

Demons'll charm you with a smile for awhile

But in time

Nothing can harm you,

not while I'm around.

Being close and being clever

Aint like being true,

I dont need to,

I would never

Hide a thing from you

Like some

No one's gonna hurt you

No one's gonna dare

Others can desert you

Not a worry, whistle

I'll be there

Demons'll charm you with a smile for awhile

But in time

Nothing's gonna harm you

Not while I'm around

Not while I'm around

Yesterday was a typical Saturday. Was at the clinic along D. Tuazon from 8 till 5. No patient showed up. Haha. Finished a third of PS I Love You. The story's getting really good. Struggled against dozing off. Listened to On the Side of Me over and over again. Gazed out the window and watched the world go by. Received my pay at the end of the day. Mama told me I should be ashamed for getting paid without seeing a single patient. Told her it wasn't my fault if people get too lazy to show up at the clinic during the holidays. I completely understood. Would have done the same thing. Haha. Finally caught Twilight. I know there's a hype going around but I must admit that I was a bit disappointed. Should have waited for the DVD copy instead.

Christmas is definitely my favorite time of the year. No, not Valentine's day (although I'm a self-confessed romantic). And no, DEFINITELY NOT New Year's Eve ('cause I'm auditory defensive). I feel like a kid during Christmas. Of course I no longer believe in Santa (although I envy the little ones who still believe in him) but I'm one of the few adults who get totally excited about receiving gifts during this season. I crave for my family's traditional noche buena fare --- the quezo de bola, fruitcake, Mama's macaroni salad, halayang ube, Mama's Italian ribbon-shaped spaghetti and Aling Beth's sarsa (sarsa pa lang, ulam na!). I used to complete 9 days of Misa de Gallo/Simbang Gabi in order to make a wish. Believe me, my wishes came true. Too bad I failed to attend a single mass this month. December has always been a memorable month for me. Enough said. Meri Kurisumasu!

On the Side of Me

Currently loving this song ... To all the people who've been with me and continue to stay with me through the rough times, domo arigato gozaimasu ...

ON THE SIDE OF ME
Corinne May

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

When you're in your teens, you tend to be a bit selfish. You choose to do things that make you happy. Your first priority is yourself. You set aside a fraction of your baon for that fab outfit you can wear to the party where your crush might show up. It takes an hour and a half to get dressed. When your mom asks for a massage and you're feeling tired, you rant. You expect to receive gifts from your loved ones on your birthday. You refuse to run errands when exams are near. You break up with your boyfriend because you believe that there's always someone better around the corner. You whine about the number of years you have to spend in college just to get a degree. You're excited about the idea of establishing a career in the future that will provide you with more money for clothes and "extra-curricular activities." You're the master of your universe. Your ego is important.

In your 20s, however, you start to realize that you're not the only person that matters in your universe. Your mom gets sick and you suddenly feel a sense of panic. You don't want to lose her too soon. You love her. You offer her a daily TLC massage. You accompany her on her trips to the doctor. You're forced to squeeze in household errands a day before your slide presentation because someone's got to do them. Gifts on special occasions are things of the past. A hug or a kiss will do. When you get your first paycheck, you eagerly hand it over to your folks. You try to work things out with your partner because you have committed yourself to him. Happiness no longer rules your universe. You're responsible for your own actions. No one else can speak for you. No one else can save your a*s. Things get more complicated when your sense of responsibility is put to the test. Should you choose to be happy and get others hurt? Or choose to sacrifice your own happiness in order to make others happy? Growing old sometimes sucks.

The Lake House

Watched The Lake House. Superb storyline.

"You waited ..."

--- Dr. Kate Forster (The Lake House)

Thank you everyone!

I would like to thank everyone for including us, the Feb board takers, in their prayers. To God be the glory. :-)

i'm back ... with good news! :-)

After a long hiatus, I'm back ... with good news! Just passed the Physician Licensure Examinations. Hallelujah! The questions were weird and I would have to say that faith is your best and only accessible tool. I'm not ashamed to say that I made a silent prayer after reading every question (Lord, tulungan niyo po ako please. Ano ang tamang sagot dito? ... Lord, kayo na bahala sa'kin.) Everyone's right. No amount of reading can best prepare you for the boards. The anatomy exam was the worst. I felt like I did not review for this subject at all eventhough I did. It became a guessing game. Again, I prayed hard. When I emerged from the room, I told my friends, "Grabe. Puwede na tayong maging manghuhula pagkatapos nito." Now I'm thinking ... where do I buy a crystal ball?

See You Next Year!

Hi peeps! I won't be blogging in a while. See you next year. God bless. :-)

The Art of Letting Go

At times, we find ourselves saying goodbye to the person we love. Goodbye doesn't necessarily mean that you stop loving the person. A friend once said that to think that love is limited to just one person is immature. You don't stop loving people just because you have someone new to love. So true. He will always be special. If we're meant to be together, God will find ways ... For now, I'm spreading my wings, hoping that they will take me to greater heights ... Will make my Mama proud ...

The Art of Letting Go (Mikaila)

Put away the pictures.

Put away the memories.

I put over and over

Through my tears

I've held them till I'm blind

They kept my hope alive

As if somehow that I'd keep you here

Once you believed in a love forever more

How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all

Unchain my heart that's holding on

How do I start to live my life alone?

Guess I'm just learning,

Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it's over

Say the word goodbye.

But each time it catches in my throat

You're still here in me

And I can't set you free

So I hold on to what I wanted most

Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more

Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all

Unchain my heart that's holding on

How do I start to live my life alone?

Guess I'm just learning,

Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade

What can I do?

But try to make it through the pain of one more day

Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?

I guess I'm learning, only learning,

Learning the art of letting go.

Way Back into Love

I don't wanna make my blog look like a songbook again but I just feel like posting this ... La lang. Rotten, rotten, rotten r______p!


Way Back Into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
Oh oh oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
Oh oh oh

Show Me Your Smile

I'm an Apo virgin, the term the singing trio gives to people who watch them perform live for the very first time. Well, there's always a first time and mine was good, if not excellent. They orchestrated an almost seamless concert which left the audience immensely entertained. Definitely a nostalgic trip.

Show Me a Smile (Apo Hiking Society)

Show me a smile and then kiss me
Tell me you love me again
Come to my room and then lie on my bed
I love you, you know although sometimes it just doesn't show

Giving is my way of loving
The only way that I know
I've got nothing much and I've got nothing to show
I love you, you know although sometimes it doesn't seem so

Love me forever
Love me all night through
Love me for a lifetime
I live my life for only you

I love you, you know although sometimes it doesn't seem so

Love me forever
Love me all night through
Love me for a lifetime
I live my life for only you

Show me a smile and then kiss me
Tell me you love me again
Come to my room and then lie on my bed
I love you you know although sometimes it just doesn't show ...

The Dreamer of Oz

I dreamed of Oz, with her beaches, blokes and sheilas
I dreamed of the 5 kg toblerone sitting on a heapful of lollies
I dreamed of raindrops that kissed my bright red brolly
And Perth and a gang of mozzies ...

While majority of Filipinos are snoring in bed or worse ... infusing their pillows with saliva (hehehe), I'm doing some soul-searching. I've been doing this for the past 3 days or so. I wonder why. Maybe it comes with the age. This is the hard thing about being a doctor. While your high school mates are earning enough money to support the nests they can call their own, you realize that you haven't left your Mom's nest for the simple reason that you're still not capable of building a nest of your own. Your friends have already made a name for themselves. As for you, the unlicensed doctor, who still remains anonymous, save for your fellow unlicensed colleagues, carving out a niche in your profession is not within your grasp yet ... Where am I headed? Honestly, I still dunno. If there's one thing I learned from this aging process, it's to go where the wind takes you. Don't resist. Just do your best. Be brave enough to face your future. Carpe diem. Hakuna matata. Samtosa. Live by your principles. Don't lose hope. Keep the faith. Bury your past 'coz you can't do anything about it. Invest in your future. I believe that there's someone out there who guides us in everything we do. We just have to put our full trust in Him. I'm not afraid to grow old...

Samtosa

This moment ... is the way it should be. Samtosa ... the supreme joy of living in the now ...

As I write this, I hope my batchmates who took the August boards will make it. Praying for them everyday. I had a turbulent July. Closing cycles, changing chapters ... Moving on ...

Curmudgeonness

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I did. Was welcomed by a giant wave of negative thoughts. Welcome, Grouch. It's Wednesday. You woke up late. You only have a few hours left to review for Anatomy and Pharmacology. Ahd hey, you're so behind your schedule. By the way, you missed breakfast. It's lunchtime. You didn't tell Ate Lisa what to prepare for lunch so she might be cooking God-knows-what like Diningding (for the nth time ... Hey I love Diningding but eating it on a 3x weekly basis is not very appealing). It's freaking hot. Did you turn off your airconditioning unit or subconsciously selected the fan setting? WAAAAAAAH! GRRRRRRRR! Hours later ... Goodbye, Grouch. Get off me, you freak. The Tinola's oishi.

I tend to write my thoughts on any piece of paper at hand. Anyways, I found this on an old drug company notebook. Mom was on vacation a couple of months ago. I wrote this list but I didn't get to finish this. I intended to give this to her.

100 Reasons Why I'm Glad Mama's Home

1. She lights up my world.

2. I need a bearhug.

3. She makes the best macaroni salad.

4. She's like Martha Stewart (i-compare ba kay Martha Stewart) --- knows how to cross-stitch, has mastered the art of paper tole making, etc.

5. She's my ever-reliable alarm clock.

6. She's my human MIMS as well.

7. She makes stressful days seem more bearable for me.

8. She's the wind beneath my wings (AWWWW!).

9. When I lack willpower, she complements my courage.

10. I miss her orchids in full bloom.

11. She gives the best TLC massage (*sighs*).

12. She makes Moshi smell nice.

13. She's the only other person I know who thinks raw egg with rice is a superb meal (of course the other person is moi).

14. She looks like Rio Locsin and that newscaster from RPN 9. Promise. :-)

15. *I wonder why I left this blank.*

16. She's the best GP in the world.

17. She's my jogging buddy.

18. She organizes everything for me. (Yeah, she even packed my overnight/duty bags for me, telling me where I can find my toothbrush, soap, etc. as she packed. I learned every single time that you'll best remember if you were the one who did the packing. Whenever I looked for a certain item, I had to rummage through the entire bag. Ang saya. Hehe.)

19. Everything's neatly mapped out whenever she's around. (Mama's fave question over weekend breakfast is ... "So, what's our itinerary for today?"

20. She's my mall buddy.

21. I miss her hearty chuckle.

22. She supports me in every endeavor.

Bits and Pieces

Meralco was nasty today. 2x on a Saturday morning? I was looking forward to blogging and reconnecting with friends which I usually do on weekends.*sighs* Good thing my pc’s battery can still hold for an hour. So, I’m still gonna blog you inconsiderate Meralco people. Bwisit! My mom chose to watch Wendy’s guesting stint in a morning talk show rather than chat with her daughter who absolutely misses her. And she still claims that she hates Wendy. Duh. Who’s Wendy? She’s a PBB Season 2 housemate who garnered thousands of thundering BOO’s when she stepped on stage during the BIG NIGHT. Hey, I’m going out tonight. Woohoo! Gonna have dinner with my cousins. TGIS! Not that long-gone local teeny bopper show, okay. Anyways, I discovered that the Friday mags my aunt brought home from the UAE have surprisingly nice, quirky articles. I’m posting some excerpts from an article entitled Sum of All Fears.

My other childhood fear was the dark, the result of an over-active imagination and the love of scary movies ... I never understood in horror films why when the teenager's car broke down, they would think of going to the big creepy house to stay the night ... and if the front door squeaks when you open it, what other warning do you need? Just run! … 2 other rules that we should live by (or you're guaranteed to die a grisly death): first, never have a shower in a scary house or empty school dormitory (this applies especially to girls). Second, if you must investigate strange noises, always take a baseball bat or a gun with you.

Now wait ‘til the columnist sees our local “scary” movies. Hahaha.

Note: Shrumster actually thought I was smart enough to formulate my own language. Haha. Now I consider that a big compliment coming from him.

Coffeebean-ated Thoughts

The canister should have included a warning that says something like "Munching on 30 jaw-breaking chocolate-coated coffee beans will cause cracks on metal-coated teeth, palpitations and racing thoughts." To the company that sells BEST COFFEE chocolate-coated coffee beans, ***#!!! Hehe. Nah, it's okay. I'll just go visit the dentist to have my cracked molars fixed and blog to decompress my brain. Swollen brain cells from overactivity. Haha. As for the palpitations, they won't last long anyway. Anyways, so, I've been procrastinating big time. Oh no, Mama mia, reads my blogs ... Um, let me re-phrase that. I'm trying my best to study at a faster pace these days. Well, at least I'm trying. I felt so ecstatic upon watching what I thought was my last Biochem lecture only to discover that I still have 2 Biochem lectures and 2 high-yield Genetics lectures left. When was the term operon ever considered basic? Siyet! Pucha talaga. Wuhuhu. Anyways, I'm waiting for Ratatouille which is due on the big screen next week. My brother will love this movie, swear. It's about the unique friendship between a rat who knows how to cook and a human, who happens to be a frustrated chef. I can so relate, to the human I mean. Hehe. There you go. Honey, I shrank my brain cells. Now I can study the rest of Biochem. Lub--dub, lub--dub. Eurhythmia, normocardia ... Ciao! ;-)

Kurt, we put up a good fight for you but you still had to leave. I miss your presence. Hope you'll come back to us soon ... It will hurt a whole lot when years from now, you won't recognize the people who took care of you when you were still too young to remember. Who's gonna pick you up whenever you want to be cuddled? Who's gonna prepare your mashed potato? Who's gonna sing you to sleep? Who's gonna chuckle and babble with you? I hope they're taking good care of you...

NOT WHILE I'M AROUND (Barbra Streisand)

Nothing's gonna harm you

Not while I'm around

Nothing's gonna harm you

No sir, not while I'm around

Demons are prowling everywhere nowadays

I'll send them howling, I don't care, I've got ways

No one's gonna hurt you

No one's gonna dare,

Others can desert you

Not to worry, whistle I'll be there

Demons'll charm you with a smile for awhile

But in time

Nothing can harm you, not while I'm around.

Being close and being clever

Ain't like being true,

I don't need to, I would never

Hide a thing from you

Like some

No one's gonna hurt you

No one's gonna dare

Others can desert you

Not a worry, whistle I'll be there

Demons'll charm you with a smile for awhile

But in time

Nothing's gonna harm you

Not while I'm around

Not while I'm around