Thursday, January 27, 2005

I'm at the library, killing time. This is the worst spot in the campus to do just that. Kill time.
First of all, you're surrounded by students desperately flooding their brain with only-God-knows-what.
Second, you see books everywhere. I'm definitely not allergic to books 'coz I leaf through pages and pages of them (read: fiction!) whenever I find myself broke, with nowhere else to go and nothing else to do. But, imagine shelves hugging thousands of medical books! They make me feel like I'm taking the Revalida. Now I wonder how that would feel. That's just a year away.
Third, PC's here don't have Yahoo Messenger. There's no internet access to start with.
Fourth, you're not allowed to sleep! Even 5-minute naps have no place here. Talk about apathy for struggling medical students like me!
Fifth, you're not allowed to eat.
So, what am I doing here in the first place? As I've said, I'm killing time. I don't want to elaborately explain why I ended up here. Need to make myself productive 'coz I have hours left before the Glee Club competition. I'm not a participant but a handful of my classmates are. I'll be an avid supporter...screaming, squealing and clapping for them. Audience impact is 15% of the entire score. That should help. Hehe.
Obviously, I'm blogging. The only difference is I'm not in front of the PC. I'm writing all of this down on the backsheet of a hand-out. I'll just transfer this to the PC later.
Feb. 2005 is just a few winks away. Still can't believe that I got through 2004 only minorly abraded. I guess my optimism and strong faith in Him cushioned me from the ocassional blows that went my way. So, what was 2004 all about?
It's about falling in and out of love. It's about a long-term relationship that reached a dead-end. Summer romance. It's about playing tug-of-war with the summer flame's The One. Realizing months later that it was just a full-blown Rebound Syndrome. I am laughing at the absurdity of this. It's about rekindling an old flame. Finding a long-lost pal on Christmas Eve. Resuscitated friendships. What's-the-name-of-the-game relationships. Joy rides. It's about reclaiming the freedom of being unattached and enjoying it. It's about daring to go beyond the margins of my comfort zone to taste the world "out there." It's about risks. It's about baring my mind, heart and soul. It's about going back to what I really love doing. Writing. Crafting. Learning something new. Sketching. Sharing pieces of me. It's about starting to figure out the rest of me. Envisioning what I really want in life. Knowing who I really want to go on a carousel ride with me. Praying and waiting. It's about acceptance. It's about trusting Him.
Notice how God opens millions of flowers everyday without forcing the buds! Don't try to force anything. Let life be a constant letting go and letting God. (thanks for this nice quote LJ :-))

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