Sunday, April 24, 2005

Optimist No More

Where art thou Happiness? Where art thou? Tita's gone and home's not quite the same without her. Somehow, unresolved problems have succeeded in crushing my ego. It has started to malfunction. I have to do something about it soon. I think I'm gradually turning into the person I've never desired to be - a pessimist. I hope this is just a phase that every mourner goes through. I'm dying to see the light at the end of this dark alley.

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ahAh-ah, Ah-ah
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Tita Belen, I Bid You Farewell

My aunt made her peaceful exit yesterday. Incidentally, it was her son's birthday as well. She was in a Persistent Vegetative State for three months before succumbing to the multi-systemic complications of her previous cardiopulmonary arrest. I'll miss her contagious laughter, her kikayness, her huge baon of anecdotes, her motherly concern, her genuine compassion for the less fortunate and her bopis. Tita, until we meet sweet day...
One Sweet Day
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Darling I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared
Although the sun will never shine the same again
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Little Rascal Recommends...

Fried Hito with Burong Hipon at Packo's Grill, Timog Avenue

My First Rotation: Sapang Palay

While most of my friends are now busy with hospital work, I'm gearing myself for my first rotation: Community Medicine. I've already packed my luggage with Mama's aid. I'm headed for Sapang Palay, Bulacan tomorrow. The official UST vehicle that will take us there leaves at 7 a.m.SHARP. I'll be staying there for a month but I'll get to go back to Manila and reunite with my family and friends every weekend. Except for the occasional presence of NPAs and pickpocketers, Sapang Palay is quite safe. We were advised to be wary at all times. What's this rotation all about? We have time to work (cook for our co-clerks, wash the dishes, clean the dorm, manage patients, feed malnourished children, teach mothers to prepare nutritious meals), play (we can view DVDs and do sports activities at designated times), sleep and eat. Sounds a lot of fun? Well, it is according to those who have already rotated there. :-)

"Med school provides perhaps the best substantiation for Charles Darwin's theory of natural selection. For here we see in its cruelest form the survival of the fittest. Not the smartest, as one should expect. But the fittest to cope with the inhumane pressures, the demands made not only on the brain but on the psyche..."
--- Doctors by Eric Seagal

i missed the concert!!!

I'm fuming mad at myself right now. I would have mauled this blogger if I hadn't thought of the probability that a badly bruised medical clerk might scare off the sick at Sapang Palay tomorrow. Nah. Of course I'm still sane enough not to manifest such self-injurious behavior. Hehe. As I'm writing this, I'm trying my best to forgive myself as God had forgiven me countless times before. Rigid memory cells! They have successfully deleted the data about the concert last night just because I thought I was going to miss it. The concert that featured Kitchie Nadal, Rivermaya and Spongecola. I missed hearing Same Ground, Huwag na Huwag Mong Sasabihin, Balisong, You'll Be Safe Here and Crazy For You. About a month ago, I heard about this concert and was all so excited about it. My fave musicians. My fave songs. I felt really disappointed when I learned that clerkship would start on April 15. I thought I'd be at Sapang Palay that time. I assumed that I'd miss the concert. Clerkship started last April 15 but my stay at Sapang Palay will only start tomorrow. Therefore, I had no valid reason to miss the concert. WAAAH! My thinking engine needs some oiling.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Pre-clerkship Jitters

Clerkship officially starts on the 15th. I've been suffering from a bad case of pre-clerkship jitters since Monday. Been sleeping real late (I thought I got rid of the insomnia long ago) lately. I certainly feel like a walking zombie. I hope I don't look like one. Hahaha. I wasn't able to prepare myself well for clerkship. Partly my fault as I was out with friends most of the time during the break. I only bought my first pair of clerkship shoes the night before the orientation. Bought the other pair yesterday. I haven't arranged my hand-outs for the past three modules yet. My medical bag still lacks tools. I feel so half-baked and downright guilty. I think I should have read pages of medical text instead of enjoying every second of my summer vacation as if it were my last. BUT IT'S DEFINITELY MY LAST!!! After clerkship, there's graduation then there's one year of internship, the boards and 4 or so years of residency. Good luck to Class 2006 of the UST-FMS !!!

Monday, April 11, 2005

My 26th Birthday!!!

Saturday, April 9, 2005

It’s my 26th birthday. 26 years of breathing in polluted Manila air. Hehe. Thanks to everyone who remembered. Araw ng Kagitingan. Usually a no-work/no-class day if not for our current president who usually f***s up the country’s holiday calendar. My zodiac sign is Aries.

Decided to seek celestial advice from today’s newspaper. I’m a non-believer of fortune-telling. I just want to be entertained.

My daily horoscope: No man is an island, though you certainly would like people to believe that you’re self-sufficient. It’s luckier to humbly acknowledge your reliance on that strong, capable person in your life. (I may try to be as independent as I can, but I’ve always been a Mama’s girl. She’s that strong, capable person in my life. Now that she’ll be working abroad, hope I’ll find a good replacement.)

Had dinner with my family at my fave Jap resto. Got serenaded by the staff as it was my birthday. The love songs they sang: Through the Fire and You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me. I felt SO MUCH OLDER than I actually was. Met Ariel of my fave show The Misadventures of Ariel and Maverick. This guy really makes me laugh big time. A really really funny and down-to-earth guy on and off cam.

At 26, I’m thinking...”Am I really me? Or am I an existentialist masquerading as an optimist? Or a bad girl masquerading as a good girl (you know, a bad girl that doesn’t get caught)? Or an aspiring vet masquerading as a wannabe doctor? Do I know where I’m headed for? Times have become crazier, weirder and a lot more fun. Occasionally, however, I long for the profound happiness that tranquil moments provide. Future, here I come…braver, bolder and wiser.”
Sunday, April 3, 2005

Attended PSG’s Induction Ball. Brother Rey’s rendition of the dance craze Chocolate created pandemonium.

Monday, April 4, 2005

Videoked with Gie. It was a lousy videoke afternoon. Something was definitely wrong with our vocal cords. We didn’t hit the notes right. Oh well. I’m sure there’ll be better videoke days.

Tuesday, April 5, 2005

Watched Hitch at Gateway for the 2nd time. There’s a neat photo exhibit outside the movie house which featured old pictures of famous and quite-famous local stars when they were decades younger. Imagine Ms. Nora Aunor in an Alice-in-Wonderland attire (she acted in a movie entitled Nora in Wonderland) or Ms. Vilma Santos as Phantom Lady. Interesting. Other featured stars are Christopher de Leon, Eddie Garcia, Bella Flores (before her perennially surprised look thanks to plastic surgery), Elizabeth Oropesa and Melanie Marquez (who looked so regal…thank God pictures don’t talk) among others.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Attended my cousin Jeric’s elementary graduation. My cousin’s surrogate mother, Tita Belen is in a Persistent Vegetative State after suffering from cardiopulmonary arrest. It’s sad that she wasn’t able to see her favorite son receive his diploma. While I was waiting for his sister to prepare for the event, Jeric approached me and said, “ Ang ganda mo naman, Ate. Sana ikaw na lang ang Mommy ko.” My heart immediately went out to him. Such a nice kid. Always has a ready smile and a warm greeting. A regular mass goer. Active in church activities. An enthusiastic learner. Readily does errands for his cousins. I believe that this child deserves to go places. God is good. He will be rewarded. On a lighter note, what habits would you like to graduate from? I’d like to graduate from the nasty habits of staying too long inside the bathroom (I’m not vain. I’m just slow in everything. I’m thinking I’m hypothyroid. Hmmm…), being overly nice, overloading my daily sked, blogging/YMing instead of reviewing for exams and falling for the wrong men.

Friday, April 1, 2005

No prankster around this April Fool’s Day. Had coffee with Tin and Charissa. A coffee date for me means enjoying a vanilla frappucino or a non-coffee blended vanilla drink while friends order coffee. Hehe. I’m not really a huge coffeeholic. I only consume coffee whenever I feel the need to stay awake during review nights. I do this even less now because I’ve discovered the strong insomniac effect of downing 2 glasses of Wai Ying’s cold milk tea. It has to be cold because I don’t like hot tea very much as well. There’s a huge difference between coffee talks among female teeners and adults. While people below their 20s gossip about their college professors, coming-out parties, boys, people above their 20s discuss about work, post-graduate courses, men and settling down. Asked advice from Tin about my seemingly suntok-sa-buwan career plans. She thinks it’s quite possible if I start small then gradually expand. Clerkship might change these plans though so I’m not writing them down yet.

Saturday, April 2, 2005

3 Reasons Why I Gained Another 3 Pounds Today

1. ate a butter and blueberry jam-weighed down sandwich for breakfast
2. pigged out on ramen and potato guratan for lunch
3. binged on rice, lechon skin, lumpiang shanghai, sliced pork with young corn, sweet and sour pork, and a hoard of buchi for dinner at a debutante’s ball
I need to work out ASAP.

Friday, April 01, 2005

A Short Trip Down Memory Lane

Some moments definitely earn parking slots along your memory lane. I don’t believe in spending a lot just to have an extraordinary experience. It may be as affordable as going to the zoo, having a picnic in the park, visiting ancient houses, watching the sunset, building sandcastles, traveling to places you’ve never been to (I heard Sagada’s worth the long travel time), learning/doing new things like playing a musical instrument, singing in a cheap videoke place, playing billiards, going on a rollercoaster ride (did this once. I think I broke a lot of people’s eardrums that time with my screams…hehehe). Whenever I get schmaltzy, I think mostly of the great times I spent with my parents, relatives and friends and the food I loved (feed me well and I’ll remember you for a lifetime.hehe)...
  1. the wishing well in a used-to-be mall in Cubao
  2. the carp-filled pond in the old Greenhills shopping center
  3. the space ride in a carnival - less-techie version of EK’s Rialto
  4. the dinner-in-bed/TV-viewing while vacationing in Pearl Farm
  5. the dyspepsia-causing salad buffet in Camp John Hay
  6. the piano lessons in Rustan’s Cubao
  7. Samurai’s takoyaki balls
  8. night swimming in Morong, Rizal
  9. composing poems after a beach trip in Cavite
  10. the shrimp with broccoli dish in an old Chinese resto in Baguio
  11. trying out siato for the first time (hope I spelled it right) with cousins in Cavite
  12. every Visita Iglesia I had
  13. the school fair in Grade 6
  14. every educational exposure in elementary/high school
  15. my Le Cordon Bleu experience - I was the youngest chef in class. I’m planning on spending more time in the kitchen again someday. I’ve neglected this craft.
  16. Milo summer camp’s swimming lessons – My brother and I were such cowards. While most of our classmates became pro’s in basic strokes, the only things we were able to master were submerging our heads in the pool and forming “bubbles” and floating. Hehe.
  17. the Penitencia at Hagonoy, Bulacan
  18. getting rainwater-drenched after a hot day on top of Mt. Banahaw
  19. spending the beginning of Summer 2001 in Montalban (when I was an OT intern) - I miss the kwek-kwek and veggie balls at the Plaza, Nanay Baby's puto pao, the uniquely Montalban meals served by the ultra-hospitable Nanay Loleng, the bonding time at Anawim and Kye, my housemate and counselor; an opportune time to soul-search and start anew; small surprises culminated in a humongous surprise I'll never forget

    Yesterday was definitely one of those noteworthy days. Was able to coerce Mama to videoke with me. Since she just sat and listened, I did a song marathon and realized that my voice will start to break after 4 consecutive songs. Papa then joined us for dinner at JT’s Manukan Grille. The chicken breast was very tasty as usual. I prefer to eat it as is although one may opt to dip it in sinamak (Ilonggo vinaigrette), which is the usual condiment of choice.